The Secret Of Relationships Learn to be with the person, whom you love, in silence

Chapter 4 - The Secret Of Relationships 

Day 9 

When you are in love with someone, you just go on talking, talking and talking. There's no need to pull so many words out of those mouths. You can just sit quietly with a smile, watch the sunset, or be with them. Learn to be with the person, whom you love, in silence. This is an art by itself.

When you are in such deep love, you don't know, what you are talking. Then you go on saying things that you regret afterwards. Sometimes, you don't know that what you have said may hurt the other person. 

The intellect is not sharp, not fully alert, when you are in love. You're in a daze and in that daze , you don't know what you are blabbering, or what your blabbering will do to the other person - what effect it will bring on the other person. 

But later on, after ten days, or maybe ten years, you'll find out that whatever you said in a light way has affected the other person very deeply. How many of you have experienced this? Isn't this true almost everywhere?

When you're centred, and when you let go of your feverishness, then you're not bored with yourself - then your charm becomes long-lasting. The nearer a person comes to you, the more the charm will be there. That is the secret of being centred, of being connected with the self deep within us.

You know, Ananda once asked Buddha, "Buddha, for forty years, l've been watching you, day and night and everyday, you're more charming What is it? I can't get over it. Every moment I see you, you're still new” 

That is the nature of our consciousness. The mind is not a stagnant lake. It is a flowing river - a fast flowing river. You see, what I'm saying? When we float with the river, we are in the moment. 

Live every moment like that Don't just brood over the past, or be anxious about the future. One of the characteristics of love is eternity. When you are in love with somebody, you want that moment to be eternal “We should be like this forever and ever”. 

You want it to be like that forever, for always. You use these words, don't you? “Always”. Love is immortal - meaning, beyond time and that is what we aim at and that is our nature, our source. Just take some time off and go within your silence. 

Then you will see, so much strength comes out of you, and from that, your charm becomes eternal, your love becomes unconditional. You have heard of unconditional love so many times, but just words won't help. 

This has to come from our presence. You see what I'm saying? You can lecture on love for hours together, but if it is not radiating in your presence, nobody can make it out. This is something, we do not attend to - our presence. 

Our presence gets drained. Initially, when there was presence, there was attraction - but the moment, the presence dilutes, attraction dies out. You simply hang around. You are bored, but you still don't want to say that you are bored, and hurt the other person. 

The other person is also thinking in the same way. So inside the mind, there is a big gap, though outside, in your expression, you don't express it. How does one bridge this?This is only possible by improving our presence. 

See, when you get off a plane, the hostesses greet you by saying, "Have a nice day" They don't really mean it. But, when the same words come from someone very close and dear to you - like your grandmother, your mother, your sister, your brother - they touch your heart. 

This is because those words carry a flood of feeling behind them. So, when you have to say to someone, "I love you," even if it's just once, those words should carry a flood of feeling, instead of repeating the phrase oh, so many times. 

You feel so bitter, and yet you call and say, “Hello, honey”. You're saying, "honey" on the outside, but inside, you feel bitter about that. Perhaps to cover the bitterness, you keep saying, “Honey, honey, honey”. 

These words do not carry the feeling and that's why relationships become such a big mess, and break so often.

Our love doesn't grow old. Our love doesn't become ancient. Our love dies infant deaths. Love relationships have the highest mortality rate in our society today.

Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankarji

Secrets Of Relationships 

The Secret Of Relationships For love to blossom, self-worth is essential

Chapter 4 - The Secret Of Relationships 

Day 8 

In the same way, the prince would be asked to go and do some menial job, like clean the streets. He would know and understand how a servant feels, and so he becomes sensitive. His sensitivity towards people would grow, though he would live in a palace. 

That's why this sort of exchange was called dakshina. In a relationship, this is essential. You have to see that the other also contributes in your life, so that they don't feel completely like a worm - worthless but that they also feel their self-worth. 

For love to blossom, self-worth is essential. This is the second important point or secret. The third aspect of a relationship is to give the other space. When you love someone, you're right "on his (or her) neck". 

You don't give them any breathing space and they suffocate - and suffocation destroys love. You should give them space and you take your space. Respect each other's space. Take some time off.

The ancient people knew this. You know, they would say that for one month in a year, a husband and wife could not cross the same door. So they would send the wives to their mothers' homes and that would be the month that the postal department had the maximum business because that one month creates so much longing. 

So they would write poems to each other - all the creativity in them would come out. Love letters would flow from one city to another city. For love to blossom, there needs to be longing and longing needs a little space. 

Though it is a little painful, longing is inevitable. If there is no longing, if you destroy longing, if you don't allow longing to come into your relationship, then love does not grow. The charm is lost. So, give them some space and take some space, yourself.

The fourth aspect in a relationship is that a relationship should be treated as the dessert, not as the main course. If your life is aimed at some goal, if there is some goal in your life, some aim in your life, then you move in that direction and the relationship will move along. 

If all your focus is just on the relationship, I tell you, that is when it will not work and it doesn't work. You can't have dessert for your main course. You cannot eat it like that. See, if you have a goal in your life, and if both of you have the same goal, you will move along in that direction. 

Then, that relationship lasts long. What do you say? Of course, I'm not an authority on this subject. Whatever I speak, is from observation, you know, from my perception of what is happening in the world. This has been the story from ages. 

You have a particular aim - to do something in life, to achieve something in life. You have a goal to do some service - you know, living your life for everyone's sake. You know how much money you spend on vour relationship? lust think about it. 

I tell you, vou spend much less on yourself. You spend much more money on your relationship than on yourself and, of course, forget about service. We don't even spend 1% of what we have, on service to the public, for everybody's sake. 

Sharing and serving would enhance our ability to love, our ability to accept and if you have that as a goal, and both move in this direction, together, I tell you, there will be no problem. You know, I know one such couple. 

Do you know what the lady said to me, "Panditji, I'm with my husband for the past 25 years and I cannot find one fault in him!"? She said, "I cannot find a single fault in this man" Both of them are engaged in social service. It is so perfect. 

They meditate, they take time for themselves. This is what everyone aspires for, isn't it? So, when there's a common interest, a common goal, a common path, to move on, that nourishes the relationship, rather than focusing on the relationship all the time.

Love is essential in relationships, not mere attraction. In attraction, there's aggressiveness. In love, there is submission. This is the difference between love and attraction. Though attraction does form the first step, you cannot stand on the first step for too long. 

You have to move on to the next pedestal. That is love.

Service is an essential ingredient for a successful relationship and if the relationship comes from the space of giving, rather than need, again, it is a good, "quality" relationship. 

Often we say, "Oh, I'm so bored, that's why I need a relationship" I ask you, if you are bored with your own company, how much more boring are you for someone else? For a while, you look interesting, but in a few days, even weeks, though you won't express this to each other, you'll get bored with each other because there is no depth in you. 

Get rid of the boredom from within you and be centred, really centred - understand your own self, your own mind and calm down Don't be feverish. You know, you don't like to be with someone, who is feverish. 

The feverishness repels you, unless you're so full of compassion that nobody's feverishness matters anymore. But especially in relationships, feverishness reduces the charm.

Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankarji

Secrets Of Relationships 

The Secret Of Relationships First comes attraction

Chapter 4 - The Secret Of Relationships 

Day 7

First comes attraction. You are attracted to someone but, if you get, what you are attracted to, very easily, the charm goes away - it dies out very fast. However, if what you are attracted to, becomes just a little bit difficult to have, then you develop love for it. 

Have you experienced this? Have you observed this? Now, you fall in love. Then what happens? After a while, the soap opera begins. It is because you love someone, that you give yourself and then you start making demands on that relationship. 

Now, when you start demanding, love diminishes. All the thrill, joy - everything - seems to be fading away. So then you say, "Oh, I have made a mistake" Now there's struggle and pain to get out of it and after you've got out of it, you get into another relationship - one more relationship - and the same story repeats itself. 

What is it that you want to know about relationships? It is really to see, how they can be long-lasting. Isn' tit? What is the secret about relationships, you want to know? You want to know, how they can be made long-lasting, not how they can be cut off that, of course, is no secret. 

Everybody knows about that - just push a button, or a few more buttons, very often. The relationship will be finished. Three things are essential in any relationship - right perception, right observation and right expression. 

Often, people say that nobody understands them. Instead of saying, "No one understands me" you can say that you have not expressed yourself properly. If you speak Russian to a Spaniard, he (or she) will definitely not understand. 

To express yourself properly, you need proper or right perception. Right perception can happen, when you see yourself, in the shoes of the other person - when you stand in his (or her) shoes and look at the situation. One requires right perception and right observation. 

So, okay, you have perceived right, but how do you react? How do you feel inside? What motivates you? What things are coming up from within you? Observing your own mind is essential - This is the second important aspect. 

This observation within you - the observation of sensations, the observation of tendencies, the observation of the patterns we have - is also essential. Perception of the other, and observation of one's self and then comes - right expression, or expressing one's self in the right manner. 

One's whole life is a lesson on just these three things - perception, observation and expression. Every mistake, you make, is not really a mistake - it's a learning process of the three vital aspects of life. What do you say? Isn't this so? 

Perception needs to be expanded. Don't just see someone's "outside". If someone is grumpy, or a little finicky, we hold him (or her) responsible for his (or her) behaviour but, if we see from a wide angle lens, the many aspects will come together. 

“Okay, that person is finicky, or fussy, or stressed out, for some reason and that is reflecting in the relationship”. So, widening our lens of perception, and not just looking at someone and accusing them, for what they are doing (or what they did), but rather accommodating them, and seeing things from a larger picture (perspective), will help in relationships. 

This is the first secret. The second thing is to give. This, of course, you all know. Relationships mean giving and at the same time, make the others give also. Suppose, you are doing all the service, all the help, and you don't give the other person, something to do in return, you are taking their self-worth away from them. 

Sometimes people say, "Oh, I see. I did so much, but that person still doesn't love me. Why?" This is because they feel uncomfortable. Love is, when there is an exchange and that can happen, when you give them an opportunity to also do something for you. 

This needs a little skill. You know, we have to be skilful in making the other also contribute, without us demanding. The only way we know to get someone to do something for us is by demand Then, if your partner doesn't do something for you, love cannot last either because you will take on a self-pitying role saying, "See, I do everything. I've been used." 

You say, "I'm being used." So, you also make use of them, if your love needs to grow. This thing - I'm being used" - should be taken out of our consciousness. You should know that you are being useful - that's why you're used. If you're useless, how can somebody use you? 

Most relationships end up this way because we don't have the skill to make the other person contribute. Don't you think so? Isn't it so? You know, in India, in the ancient times, they called "skilful taking", dakshina. In ancient times, children were taken to these schools, where they would study with the Master (the teacher) for 7-8 years, even 12 years. 

At the end of the 12th year, they had to give something back in return - the thanks to the teacher, the fee, and this fee that they would give, was called dakshina - that, which is given with great skill. You know, it's very interesting how they would do that. They had a common classroom for everybody. 

So whether the students were princes, or paupers, they had to all study in one class. Now, suppose, a rich boy and a poor boy, were both studying in the same class, then the Master would ask the pauper (the very poor child) to bring money, and the child of the prince, to do some menial job.

Now, the boy, who was from the poor family, had to bring ten gold coins. What would he do? He had no means. If the same had been told to the prince, it would have been very easy to get - that student could bring a hundred gold coins, it was so easy for him. 

But this poor boy would go around, he would write poems, he would make art, he would make drawings, he would come up with some drama, or scriptures, or whatever. He would use all his creativity to get that money and come. 

So even the process of giving would expand his ability and he would gain so much confidence : "Yes. I have been asked to bring ten gold coins. If I didn't have the ability, the Master wouldn't have told me to do so. He told me I can do it, so I'll be able to do it" 

He would move with that confidence, he would go here and there, and he would get it. In this process of gaining these ten gold coins, his abilities, his skills, would all come out.

Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankarji

Secrets Of Relationships 

Meditations and the Sudarshan Kriya for slow aging

Chapter 3 - Adolescent & The Elderly 

Day 6 

When they find someone very close to them, their confidantes (in whom they can confide things) - especially grandchildren, sons or daughters - have come home, then they will complain 

“You know, your aunt is like that, she did this, she never even sent a Christmas greeting to me. I sent her three cards and she never even replied with one card”. These are the things that go on in their minds. They'll say all those things. 

But, I tell you, don't imagine that they're stuck with those things. Sometimes in their minds, these complaints don't even come, other than when they are with you. They say all that and then forget the whole thing.

This is what happens as age advances. There is a nice story. A man earned a lot of money and then gave all his property to his son. When his son got everything, he built a small outhouse behind the main house for his parents and he told them. 

"Now you have to stay there." So the old couple stayed there, while their son and his family started living in the big bungalow. One day, while playing, the grandchild came into his grandfather's home, where everything was old and in a very poor, pathetic condition - old utensils, old chairs, all the unwanted goods. 

Things that could break at any time were kept in that house. So the grandchild came and told his grandpa, “Grandpa, be careful with your plate and your chair. Don't break them”. When he asked why, the child said, "Because tomorrow my father needs all this." 

The child's father heard this and was shocked. That little boy saying, “Grandpa don't break it because tomorrow when I grow older, I'm also going to send my father here. So better save this”. One does not realise this fact. 

You are also going to be old one day, and are going to be like them. You ask, "Dad, where did you keep your book?" He says, "What did you say? Nobody's at the door." You ask, "Dad, are you coming with me?"

He says, “What did you say? You want a cup of water? There's plenty of it there”. You will also get into such a state one day. They tell you, what you should not be doing in your life. Tomorrow, you had better watch that you don't start complaining like them, and better you start that today itself. 

If you find that the grannies in your home are complaining, and you don't like it, you better not do it today, and if you see them as being so generous, so calm, so serene, so loving, you better start being that way right now. 

So you can learn both ways. You can learn what you should be doing and what you should not be doing from elderly people. And I tell you, if you're on the path, in the knowledge, and if you keep doing your meditations and the Sudarshan Kriya, your aging reverses. 

That enthusiasm to learn will exist and your alertness, focus, attention - everything - increases in life. You will not become cynical and senile as you advance in age. 

If you are only focused, all the time, on pleasure, on what you will get, on how you can exploit others, or how you can enjoy, then you will see that the ability to enjoy, for your senses, is limited. Your senses will get so tired, and before that, they'll make your brain and mind tired, and you'll be in a "mumbo-jumbo mess". 

We have to sort ourselves out and get out of this mess. Wake up. Wake up and see : "Who am I? What am I? What is this world? What do I want? What can I do in this world? What did I do this last year to the world? What can I do this year to the world?" 

This zeal and enthusiasm, you have to create within yourself. Elderly people remind you : "Look. Don't become like me or you will follow in my footsteps". These are the two messages you get from them - either "you follow in my footsteps" or "you'd better not become like me"

If you see pictures of Mahatma Gandhi, when he was young, he looked like a "Most Wanted" person, who was wanted dead or alive in 27 robbery cases. But, as he became older, his smile became bigger because he started serving, he started meditating. His beauty increased everyday as he became older, because his quest for truth was so great. 

So that fire in us: "I want to know the truth. My life is committed to Truth, to knowing the Truth. My life is committed to serving everybody in the world and to make a better world around me. “My life is committed to making myself useful to everybody”. This one thought can begin so much fire in you.

Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankarji

Secrets Of Relationships 

Unconditionally happy and loving is called spirituality.

Chapter 3 - Adolescent & The Elderly

Day 5 

They said that stupid thing because they had some garbage and they threw it out and you were there, ready to catch it, saying, “Oh, I won't give this away”. Why did somebody insult you? They insulted you because they were hurt, they had garbage in them, and they wanted to throw it out.

When they threw it out, you passionately grabbed it and kept it in your pocket, so and so hurt me. They did this, they did that. Come one, wake up. Get up and walk. Don't let your smile be snatched away by anybody. 

In the world, not everything will happen perfectly, all the time! In every action, there can be imperfections. Even the best or greatest of actions with good intentions, will have some imperfections. 

Unfortunately, the tendency is to go and grab the imperfection and make yourself, your mood, imperfect, make your mind imperfect, make your soul reel in this nonsense. Isn't that so? 

So we need to get out of these cycles and be strong and courageous from within and that, which gives you the strength, the courage and the smile, is called spirituality. Anything that helps you to become unconditionally happy and loving is called spirituality.

Part 2 - The Elderly 

Old people are not any different from children. You should treat them like kids. Like children, they are adamant and repeat the same things. They talk about the same thing over and over again, without realizing they have already said it several times. 

When a pattern sets in them, you accept them as they are. They are the best practical example for you to demonstrate that you have followed the first principle of the Art of Living - "Accept people as they are". 

They come into your life and make you realise that. You cannot change old people overnight, or even in a period of time. You need to accept them. That is how they are, and it is all right to have their point of view.

See, there is some wisdom in what they are saying. Sometimes, you are unable to see wisdom in what an experienced, mature person says. They speak from their own experience, over the years. 

So in dealing with them, you need to know that they are experienced and that they have a different set of experiences, much different from yours. So we accept them as they are. Second, we don't get upset because they don't change. 

If you get upset, it only makes it worse. By your not accepting them, they are not going to change So you accept them as they are because you are too small to change them, and you will find a miracle happening. 

The moment you accept them and give them a space of love and compassion, they slowly start changing. They do change! So you need to have a lot of patience. You will learn patience dealing with old people, with grannies, who have certain patterns. 

Also, don't take their moods too seriously. Suppose they're upset, don't take it too seriously because if you take it too seriously, then you are not able to communicate with them. Don't try to convince them too much. 

Sometimes, they just want to pour out their heart to you. If they are grumbling, they are just grumbling. They're saying it, but they don't really mean it. If they say, "I'm so upset" - they may say it, but they will still go and have their food, watch television and do all their things. 

But when they see you , they say, “Oh, I'm so upset, I never ate food, I didn't do this, I didn't do that”. If you take all their complaints seriously, you become miserable and life becomes miserable for you. So what should you do?

When they complain to you about how bad life is, how bad people are, how much worse the whole world is and how miserable they are, you should simply take it and all those words with a little margin.

Know that it is just their pattern. They're saying it, fine. It's okay. If you don't do this and take all their words too seriously, you can't sleep. You will lose your night's sleep and you will get depressed as well. You won't be able to help them.

People, who are very aged or sick, just want to communicate with you and in the process of your communication, what is it that they can share with you? When people don't have enthusiasm in them, they will only share their grievances. If they are piled up with grievances, they will only talk about this to you, but that doesn't mean that they are so miserable.

There is a corner in them that remains untouched by any amount of misery. I tell you this is a fact. Whether it is extreme joy or happiness or terrible misery, there is a part in every human being that remains untouched by that. 

We need to realise that we have such a part inside us. It is the same with people, who appear to be very miserable. In reality, they are not that miserable, but they talk, talk, talk and talk. The same people will have a party and will laugh, but the tendency of the mind is like that. 

Especially, when you know that someone cares for you, you don't always go to him (or her) with a smile and with joy. You go to him (or her) with all your problems and complaints. This is the normal course of things. This is what happens in the world. Isn't that so? 

Suppose you are at a big party. At that party, you will go find your very close friend and complain, "The party is good, but this should have been better and that should have been better. They should have put that thing there. 

This light is not good. That curtain is a little crooked and you know there is no salt in this food - did you taste the food?’’ Among the 20 items, you took one item and said, "Oh, this doesn' t taste as good. The party where I went on the 25th of last month, that was very good." 

These complaints, you only make to your close friend(s), and go blah, blah, blah. You will find them and you'll talk, but you won't talk to the host. Out of manners, you won't go and tell someone new. The same happens with elderly people.

Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankarji

Secrets Of Relationships 

Adolescent & The Elderly - The Teenage Years

Chapter 3 - Adolescent & The Elderly 

Day 4 

Part 1 - The Teenage Years 

You know, the "teens" are the most confusing age. You are no longer a kid, who can be pacified with toys or sweets, but neither are you emotionally mature enough. A new world has just opened up in front of you and it's such a difficult time. 

On one hand, there are big highs, on the other hand, there are a lot of lows. There's also loneliness. A child doesn't feel lonely, but a teenager starts feeling lonely. Not only that , there are also so many hormonal changes happening in the body. 

So he (or she) is getting familiar with his (or her) own body, mind, emotions, urges and difficulties. Suddenly, teenagers feel nobody understands them because what parents say from their standpoint - good or bad - doesn't appeal to them. 

Long-term plans don't exist. They want immediate solutions, immediate gratification, everything should happen now. Teenagers feel that adults do not understand, but they don't feel connected with small kids either because they feel it's meaningless. 

It’s useless - all the toys, all the simple games, which they have outgrown. During these tough times of the teenage years, the kids need to have hope. They need to have an understanding about life. They need to know what they want to do and how to deal with what they want, right. 

There is an old saying in Sanskrit : "When your son or daughter turns 16, behave with them like a friend. Don't be their teachers. Don't tell them what they should, or shouldn't be doing, but share with them their difficulties. Be a friend to them."

You know, a friend is one, who is on your level. A friend understands you, moves with you, with your emotions, with your difficulties. He stands in the same shoes. So if you behave as a friend to them and not as a parent, they open up to you. 

Usually teenagers open up much more to their friends, their pals, than to their parents. It's a common phenomenon. So also teachers. A teacher should also be a friend, behave as a friend, talk as a friend. Then the gap gets bridged. 

Once the gap is bridged, love flows Communication happens. Once communication happens, the problem is solved. Most of the problem is a lack of communication. Now emotions - what does one do with one's emotions? It's a big problem. 

Although we may have grown older - beyond the 'teen' age - sometimes, we have still not grown beyond the 'teen' age, mentally. You know, there is a particular cycle, in which our body grows. 

In the first seven years, the physical body grows - it grows from age 14 to 21 years, even. So the body has a 7 year growth cycle, the 14 year growth and the 21 year growth. In the first 7th years, the intellect does not grow - just the body. 

Then up to you 14 years, the intellect grows. You cannot improve someone's IQ power after they have turned fifteen. This is the general thinking or understanding, that children under fourteen can learn many things very quickly.

So, you become physically mature, then intellectually mature, and then emotionally mature. The period from 14 to 21 years is for emotional maturity. Many do not grow to that maturity at all. 

Lack of emotional maturity means you are always worrying about your emotions, feeling as though you are a victim of your own emotions, "Oh, I feel like this! What to do?” What do you do? Who cares about your feelings? 

Why do you worry so much about your feelings? You know, we feel as though we are victimized by our own emotions. “Oh, I feel so bad”. You feel so bad, so what? You feel bad and a little later, it turns, and you feel good! Your feelings keep changing. 

Sometimes you feel bad, but it doesn't stay for your whole life! It turns and then you feel good, and then that doesn't stay for the whole time. You feel good and then you feel bad again. 

Nobody can stay, feeling bad all the time or feeling good all the time. These good and bad feelings come like waves. You can't stop a wave that has already come, nor can you make a wave come just like that. Isn't it? Just as waves and clouds come and go, the emotions come and go. 

Different waves of emotion come and then they disappear! Making them into a big issue and complaining in our minds, "Oh, I feel good. I feel bad. I feel this way I feel that way and nobody cares for me. Nobody does this and nobody does that.

All this emotional garbage that we put into our heads is useless. It is a sign of a lack of emotional maturity. You see what I'm saying? Emotional maturity, intellectual maturity and physical maturity, you need all three of these "maturities". 

Then you are a complete personality. Are you sharp and focused? Are you interested in learning? This shows how you have matured intellectually. Then, do not let emotional immaturity cloud your intellect. This is what happens. 

Emotions that are not mature cloud the intellect. If your emotions are not mature enough, you're caught up in them all the time. Isn't it? What do you say? So, by the age of 21 years, you are supposed to be so strong emotionally, physically and intellectually sharp. 

Then you get the power to vote. You're supposed to be an adult, you're supposed to be mature, but this seldom happens. What is the big deal about your feelings? I tell you bundle them up and throw them in the ocean. Then you can be happy. Then you are in good spirits. 

Just examine why your spirit goes down. Somebody said something stupid to you - and your spirit goes down. Now, why did they say that stupid thing?

Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankarji

Secrets Of Relationships 

Interpersonal Relationships: Definition, Types, Tips

Chapter 2 - Interpersonal Relationships 

Day 3

It is very important to know about interpersonal relationships. What keeps them going and what really disturbs them. Interpersonal relationships get disturbed, when disagreement begins. As long as there is agreement, they don't get disturbed at all. 

So what disturbs a relationship? Disagreement. Now, take a look at yourself. Have you always agreed with yourself? You all have not agreed. You had an idea yesterday and today, you have a different idea. 

Five years back, you had different ideas, and they did not necessarily agree with the ideas, you have today. So, when you can have a disagreement with yourself, why not with someone else, next to you? 

The person, with whom you have a disagreement, is just an old photocopy of your own self, a copy of your old self - or maybe even a new copy. What you disagree with today, you may agree on, three years from now. 

So, you need to take a look at your own thought patterns and your emotional patterns. As you know, there is a rhythm in nature. Isn't it? At particular times, seasons come, and then nature responds. 

Similarly, you know, we have several rhythms in our system. There is a rhythm in the body; there is a bio-rhythm - e.g. hunger and all those other things. There is a rhythm in the thought patterns.

If you observe your patterns - your thought patterns - you will find, there is a rhythm there. Similarly, there is a rhythm in the emotions and our breath. And finally, there is a rhythm in the consciousness - the soul - that we are. 

We need to find harmony between all these rhythms within us, and that is called spirituality. Spirituality is not just fantasizing. It is observing own existence. What is here right now? Our body is here right now - but have we known our body, thoroughly? 

You can know another's body, but have you experienced your own body? Experiencing your own body, your breath, your mind, your emotions, and the source of your life, is meditation. Meditation is experiencing the life-force, or being conscious of the life force and it's not done with effort. 

It is something that is done effortlessly. I'd say that the mind and the body function on completely opposite laws. In the realm of the mind, effortlessness is the key. You cannot remember something, if you put effort into it- but the moment you relax, the memory comes back. 

Creativity, intelligence and memory - all these faculties within us happen effortlessly. However, you can only build muscles, when you put in effort. You go to a gym and when there is no pain, there is no gain. 

Or these days, it's the reverse - when there is no pain, there is no loss. If you have to lose your tummy, you have to work out, so no pain - no loss. Are you all with me, as I am speaking? Are you all listening? How are you listening? The sounds come, and fall on your eardrums, but if the mind is elsewhere, can you hear me?

Audience - No.

You are listening, through that faculty in you, that's called the "mind". Are you looking at me? If your mind is elsewhere, you can't see. You are seeing, smelling and hearing. The perceptual ability of consciousness - we call, the mind. 

As I am speaking, you are agreeing or disagreeing. Are you agreeing? Are you saying, "Yes"? Are you aware, you are saying, "Yes"? Or, are you saying, "No"? Are you aware you are saying, "No"? 

The intellect is something, by which, we say, "Yes" or "No" Yes? No? The same consciousness functions as mann (mind), buddhi (intellect), chitta (memory) and ahankaara (ego). These four different antahkaran chadushtaya, are what our ancient people called, the four different faculties.

So similarly, if you observe the memory, you will see that our memory clings onto something negative. Yow'll forget all the ten compliments, you received, but the one insult, you got, sticks in the mind. 

This tendency of the mind needs to be reversed and the process of reversing this tendency of the mind, from clinging to the negative, to moving to something positive, is called "yoga". The technology or process is called yoga. Isn't it so essential? 

What does it do? Yoga makes you like a baby again. It not only revives your nature, but it also makes your heart young, and keeps your mind, young and bright. Yoga improves perception, observation and expression.

So, coming back to interpersonal relationships. You have to have a relationship with yourself. What is your relationship with yourself? Your relationship with yourself, is what is called integrity, and if you have no relationship with yourself, that is called a lack of integrity. 

Being informal is another thing that will keep your interpersonal relationships strong. Informality is the giving of space for mistakes to happen. In any relationship, in any situation, you can't expect perfection - there will be flaws. 

However, if your mind is vast, big and accommodative of all situations, then your relationship does not get disturbed at all, otherwise, you become an emotional yo-yo - unstable. Do you see what I am saying? 

Today, one of the biggest problems with the world is emotional instability. So, when we create an informal outlook, and a cordial environment around us, then, that will grease the friction and you will be the master of your environment and not feel helpless about what is happening around you.

Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankarji

Secrets Of Relationships 

We are in an ocean of consciousness, an ocean of life and every human body, or animal body is just like a shell floating in the ocean and expressing divinity, holding that water.

Chapter 1 - Finding Real Communication 

Day 2

Forgiveness can never be complete, you know. We struggle, trying to forgive someone else. Do you know why? When you say, "I forgive," you think that the person, you are saying it to, is a culprit, and when you think someone is a culprit, and then try to forgive him (or her)

However you do it, a little bit of it still remains. It's not complete. But, when you see the grand picture - the big picture - you will see that the culprit is also a victim - a victim of his (or her) own mind, ignorance, unawareness, or unconsciousness.

Isn't it? Don't you think so? So compassion arises from within you, when you cannot forgive someone else. There is a story about Buddha. A gentleman found out that all his sons, daughters, daughters-in-law - everybody in his family - were going to Buddha's meditation sessions. 

He found out that they were all sitting and meditating, and this was something he didn't like - something he couldn't tolerate. His children wouldn't listen to him, and so this well respected businessman went to Buddha. 

There was an assembly of 10,000 people sitting in front of Buddha. The man went up to Buddha and spat on his face. Buddha never said a word. He just smiled back.

There was such compassion radiating out from Buddha's face, from his whole being, that this man just could not stand it and he ran away from that place. He could not sleep the whole night. 

This was the first time that someone had not reacted to him. And something happened - the Divine took over him. The next morning, he was a transformed person, and he went and fell at Buddha's feet, asking for forgiveness.

Buddha said, "I cannot forgive you. The person, whom you spat on, is here no more now, and there is no chance that I will ever meet him again. Also, you are not the same person now. The person, who spat on me yesterday, is not the same one, who is bowing down today."

There is no way to forgive. Compassion is a step higher. However, when people cannot understand compassion, then they have to be spoken to in terms of forgiveness. See, knowledge is given to the place - to the people, who need it at that time. 

Of course, it contains the eternal Truth - the Truth that is beyond time - but, the outer covering, the outer expression, will be according to the time, the people, the place.

Buddha was addressing a refined society - people of a high intellectual calibre. At that time, the people were all highly intellectual. It was a stress-free society already. However, when Jesus had to talk, he had to talk to people, who were in great suffering. 

He had to talk to laymen, people, who were not literate - illiterates. Often Jesus has said that he would say something several times, but the people would not understand, and so he had to repeat it, modify it, or say it in another way. 

He had to use 2-3 parables. The time was different. When Jesus gave his teachings, the people were in the darkest period of time, of history. Still, the essence is the same - the essence, whether you call it compassion, or you call it forgiveness, it is the same.

Love is responsible for all our negative emotions. If there were no love on this planet, then there wouldn't have been any problem at all - nobody would ever be jealous, nobody would ever be greedy, no one would ever get angry at anything. 

Anger, greed, jealousy - all the negative emotions, we've experienced, are all fruits of love. Isn't this true? How can you be jealous without loving? Impossible. You love perfection, and so you're angry at imperfection you cannot stand imperfection.

But, no one ever wants these "fruits". They want love in its purity, in its perfection and it is the knowledge of one's self, alone, that can do this. As Reverend Michael said earlier, just wake up and see everything is changing. 

The whole world around you is changing. When we don't understand that everything is changing, then we get stuck, we feel the whole world is a load on our heads - but, just the awareness that everything is changing, makes you feel lighter.

The illusion in the mind that "the world is going to give me joy," keeps one hooked to the "outside" but, if you have absorbed moments of joy, you always go within. Suppose you smell something very beautiful - a very good fragrance - then, automatically, your eyes shut. 

It is the same with the sense of touch, the sense of smell, even with music - when you listen to great music, your eyes shut automatically and you go deep inside, isn't it? So the source of joy is within us, but we hook it to an object outside. 

People in California think that going to Vancouver is great because of the snowy mountains there, and people in Vancouver - you know, those who are high up in Whistler - they think, they dream, of coming to California, to L.A.

We think joy is somewhere else. As long as we are not used to a place, we think joy is there, but, once we get used to it, joy is no longer there anymore. For people living in the countryside, Hollywood is their dream and for people in Hollywood -well, they would like to go to the countryside. 

We experience joy in-between the objects. When we change from one thing to another, we seem to experience joy, but we associate that joy, which comes from the gap, with the next object, and so there is a rat-race, which goes on with respect to that object. 

God is not an object. God is not an object of sight, sound, smell, taste or touch. God is the innermost experience of the heart. Only the heart can know God - not the mind, not the intellect, not reading volumes of books, nor listening to talks - just simple innocence from deep within. 

To understand trust, you must know what doubt is. Without knowing doubt, you cannot grow in trust - It's impossible. If you don't have trust - never mind. Do you have doubt? Have you looked at the doubt that you have? 

Have you observed the doubt, you have? It's very interesting. You always doubt something that is positive. If someone tells you, "I love you very much" - you ask him (or her), "Really?" If someone tells you, "I hate you" - you never ask, "Really?" 

You doubt your capabilities - you never doubt your incapabilities. You are sure of what you cannot do, but you doubt what you can do. Isn't it? You doubt the honesty of someone. You doubt love and happiness. 

When you are happy, you doubt - "I'm not sure, is this what I want?" But, when you are depressed, you never doubt - "Am I really depressed?" When you are happy, you're not sure, you're never sure that you are happy - but depression never brings a question of doubt. 

So our doubt is always about something that is good, something that is positive. So if you doubt God, I think it's great. Don't struggle. If you're doubting God, that means you trust God. We doubt in the existence of God, we doubt in the people around us and then, we doubt ourselves. 

Just knowing this, you transcend doubt, and you get onto that platform of trust, which is unshakeable. Nothing whatsoever can take it out of you. Then, you feel, everyone belongs to you. 

All bodies are just like shells in the ocean. We are in an ocean of consciousness, an ocean of life and every human body, or animal body (or whatever it is) is just like a shell floating in the ocean and expressing divinity, holding that water.

Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankarji

Secrets Of Relationships 

When you feel connected to the innermost God within you, then nobody can take your smile away from you, no one can ever induce any fear into you, and then, you will have compassion, for the world, flowing out of you.

Chapter 1 - Finding Real Communication 

Day 1 

Head-to-head communication is through thoughts and words, while heart-to-heart communication is through feelings. People, throughout the ages, have felt that they cannot communicate their feelings. 

If we could communicate all our feelings through words, then we would be living very shallow lives. Life is rich because feelings cannot be captured in words. So we use all these gestures - we hug, so that hearts come closer, we give flowers, so that feelings are conveyed. 

We put all our efforts into expressing our feelings and still, feelings remain unexpressed. Soul-to-soul communication is silence. When we transcend the feeling level, we become still. 

Stillness is at the peak of any experience - that's why the saying, "Be still and know your God". When our eyes are open, we are lost in activity, and when our eyes are closed, we fall asleep. So we miss the point - the point is in between closing our eyes, and not falling asleep.

Meditation means seeing God within you, and love is seeing God in the person next to you. The two complement each other. The more you serve, the deeper you are able to go within.

We find two types of people in the world - those, who are just focused on themselves, on improving themselves, and those, who are lost in serving. Those, who are lost in serving, get tired, frustrated, angry and then their service also suffers.

Some boy scouts were at a Sunday service, when the Father (Priest) said, "You should serve." They asked, "What is this service?" He said, "Suppose, an old woman wants to cross a road, go and help her cross the road."

So the boys went and looked for a whole week, but there was no old woman, trying to cross a street. Finally, four of them found a woman walking on a footpath. One of the boys went and asked her, "Madam, would you like to cross the road?" 

She turned and said, "No." He was disappointed. So another boy went and asked her again, thinking, perhaps, that the first boy hadn't asked properly. He asked, "Would you like to cross the road?" 

The woman was now a little bit confused. She wondered why she was being asked this. So she said, it was all right for him to take her across the road. Once they'd reached the other side, a third boy came and asked her, "Would you like to cross the road?" 

Now it really bothered her. When the fourth one approached her, she almost screamed, and ran away. We think this is service. Service is not just doing something. It is that consciousness within you, where you are readily available to do something. 

Often people first say, "No" and then, they think of saying, " Yes" You know, if someone asks you, "Would you like to give me a ride?" you first say, "No" and then, "Okay". 

You may give the person a ride, but when you have already said "No" in the first place, the consciousness has already twisted somewhere. Service is seeing God in the next person, and when we serve, we are able to go deep within. 

The deeper you go, the more you are able to serve. They complement each other. Now tell me, what topic, would you like me to speak on?

Audience - Abundance. 

Forgiveness. Seeing God in everyday activity. Appreciation. Love. Courage. Rivalry. Trust. Does it really matter, what topic we speak about? Are you all here, 100%? 

If you're hungry, you may be going to a restaurant, in your mind. You're sitting in this church, but thinking about lasagne and pizza. How does one feel abundant? Right? Know, you belong to God, and all that you need, will be given to you at the moment you need.

What is the sign of success? Everyone wants to be successful, but what is the sign of success? Worries, tension, diabetes, ulcers, blood pressure, fear and anxiety? No. A smile. A smile that cannot be stolen by anybody. 

So, suppose you're in business, and you make one million dollars in profit. Do you know what a successful man would do? What will he do? Keep the one million dollars with him? 

No. He will borrow nine million more from the bank. That's a sign of success, right? Getting into greater debt. Now, who is richer - one who has a $1000 debt, or one who has a one million dollar debt? 

See, America is the most successful country in the whole world today and it is America that is in the greatest debt too. Do you see that? So abundance is not just amassing money, or keeping a big bank balance, abundance is a state of consciousness - when you feel you have plenty. 

Remember the saying from the Bible : "Those, who have, more will be given to them. Those, who do not have, whatever little they have, will also be taken away from them." Feel the abundance within you and you can only feel this, when you feel connected to the Divine. 

There is no other way. When you feel connected to the innermost God within you, then nobody can take your smile away from you, no one can ever induce any fear into you, and then, you will have compassion, for the world, flowing out of you.

Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankarji

Secrets Of Relationships 

Secrets Of Relationships : Introduction

*Secrets Of Relationships : Introduction*

Thoughts, words, feelings are a world in themselves, and there is no school in the world that gives us a lesson on how to deal with them - be it ours or others'. 

Head-to-head communication happens through thoughts and words, while heart-to-heart communication happens through feelings. 

People, throughout the ages, have felt that they cannot communicate their feelings. If we could communicate all our feelings through words, then we would be leading very shallow lives. 

Life is rich because feelings cannot be captured in words. So we use all these gestures - we hug so that hearts come closer, we give flowers so that feelings are conveyed. 

We put all our efforts into expressing our feelings and still, feelings remain unexpressed. Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar Ji explains the dynamics of relations and reveals precious tips for men and women as well.

Relationships can become a struggle, and it has been so even for in the past, but knowing these secrets ensure that you not only sustain a relationship but also keep it harmonious, peaceful and loving.

Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankarji

Secrets Of Relationships