The thought of staying away from home for such a long while was killing me. So I went back home in the first week itself. I cried a lot. I even asked my mom to get me admission in an Arts college, in my city, so that I would not have to be away from my family. All that I wanted was to stay in my home! But that was not the right thing to do, so everyone convinced me and sent me to the hostel again. It was during this time that I got the call letter for Tamil Nadu Medical counselling. I was very happy, as I had fairly good chances of getting a college in my city itself. So, with hope in my heart, I went for the counselling, but I got admission for BDS, which is located in a city nearby. I was in grave dilemma. I did not know whether I should remain where I was, or then go for BDS. To be honest, I was not too interested in BDS. But my mother wanted me to take BDS. Around this time only, my mother went to do an AMC (Advanced Meditation Course) at the Ashram. I was in a state of utter confusion as I was very interested in pursuing Astrobiology, and taking up BDS would not take me to my dream. At that time, i thought that the University where I already was is fine, and I made up my mind to stay in the hostel. But then, my mother wanted me to do BDS and not Biotech. I thought of explaining everything to my mother over the phone, so as to convince her about the aptness of my decision, and how it would fit in to my career aspirations. But unfortunately, she was in silence that time, due to the AMC, and hence could not speak with me. And also, my internals were going on in college. And If I wouldn’t attend the internals, I would lose my CGPA (score). So, I didn’t have the time to think at all. So I decided to take the final call after my internals. I then left a message on my mom’s phone, informing her about the same. Just when my internals were done, I had holidays for a while. So I went to the Ashram during the same time. There, my mother was very happy, as Guruji had blessed my allotment letter for BDS. It was at that time, that I became extremely upset and uneasy, as BDS was not my choice, it was my mothers’. So, to get some peace of mind, I went to the Sumeru Mantap (a meditation area in the ashram) and meditated. I also wrote a letter to Gurudev, telling Him that I wanted Him to be with me in whichever course I pursued. Everyone was explaining to me that since Gurudev Himself had blessed the BDS course, I should definitely go ahead and pursue the same, and should not think of continuing with my current course. Though this was not what I had expected, something inside of me said to me that everything was going to be fine. I felt as though Guruji was holding my hands. I then spoke to my mother and explained my view point, regarding my career, to her. I convinced her that what I am doing as of now is the right thing and asked her to have faith in me. After that, my mom was ok with my decision of continuing with my course and not taking up BDS. This gave me a bit of relief. As I went back to college after the holidays, I felt some sort of restlessness. I felt as though I had ignored my mother’s feelings. I felt as though I had not obeyed my Master. A lot of such thoughts kept surfacing in my mind, every now and then. I did not feel comfortable with my decision. But everything just vanished in a fraction of seconds, when I heard that Gurudev was coming to my college! I wasn’t able to believe my ears! Wow wh at a feeling that was!!! And again, a slightly tough situation came up. I had my model practicals on the same day that Gurudev was to visit my college, from 2 – 5 pm. Guruji was to be in college from 3 – 4 pm for a talk. I tried a lot to complete my practicals before time, but was not able to do so. So on completing the practicals, I came out of the lab anxiously, hoping that Gurudev would still be around. And there I heard HIM speaking! The voice I’d love to hear always, all the time! I ran to the hall and sat in the front row, where there was a vacant seat, as though it had been kept reserved for me! Gurudev was there till 5.30 pm, imparting some beautiful knowledge points! After the talk was over, He proceeded towards His car. My friends and I were standing near His side. Suddenly, He opened the door, and came out of the car. We were all stunned with happiness. I then touched His lotus feet for the first time, and He smiled at me! I can still feel the bliss of that moment. I then remembered the letter I had written to My Master, and the silent promise that He had made! That HE IS ALWAYS WITH ME, WHEREVER I GO. And Yes, He proved it to me, literally. I am just so happy with my life now, for I know that HE is with me, always. Thank you, Gurudev. JGD.
- Shivani Krishna
